I thought I’d swoop into this topic, as my current series is about breakups and love life in general.
Most people mourn over their broken relationships, which is only natural. It shows how much you had cared for this individual, who you shared a large a mount of time with. Being sad and struggling with the truth of being ‘left behind’, takes it time to overcome. However, the majority fails to see past of all the hurt and to realize that they have learned a big deal out of the relationship. To be honest it took me quite a while to get to this point and I’m eager to help anybody who is still getting swallowed up by post-breakup hurt and confusion.
My first ever boyfriend and long term relationship was with 17 and lasted a little over 2 years. He was my highschool sweetheart and we were pretty in love and seriously committed to eachother. However, our relationship went through numerous bad patches when I was in the middle of my a-levels. I had needed support with applying to different universities and was dead sure that I wanted to leave my hometown for good. My hometown is the most conservative, boring place in the entire world ( that was my perception at the time-emo charlie wasn’t a fan). My boyfriend couldn’t grasp the fact, how excited I was and how desperate I was to try out something new. On the contrary, he moaned and was a real downer when I was discussing uni with him. For side info: he still had one year to go. Basically, my boyfriend wanted me to stay in my hometown and wait for him ( easily said than done). With every scowling and non-supporting act, he became more and more unattractive to me. Eventually we broke up.
Looking back I realize, that I need someone that stands beside me and helps me getting things sorted. Someone who knows, we can handle a long distance relationship and puts enough trust in me.
The second long term relationship I had, lasted a year and a bit. I was so deeply in love and infatuated with this man, I completely lost my entire identity.Especially my true self when it came to clothing and music. From hardcore Charlie to whopping hiphop/rnb. ( My liking to Korean Pop stayed though, even throughout these phases) He had led me on for over 6 months and i was trying so hard to please him. To make him want me. So I changed myself for him. When I look back, I think i should have just walked away after 4 months, when he couldn’t properly reply to my question if we were an official couple. But to be blunt, love makes you blind. In matter of fact, our relationship was extremely toxic and unhealthy. He wouldn’t like the independent choices I made when it came to my outward appearance. We would fight over stupid unreasonable things, which have hurt me very much. Due to the fact, of him being very dominant and shallow, I always felt I wasn’t enough and was incredibly insecure and worried 24/7. ( Which was another factor why my anxiety and panic attacks got real bad.)
I now know: don’t change for anybody. You’ll just get exhausted and tired. I want a partner who loves every single bit of my true self and understands my choices. The piercings, the tattoos and the outrageous hair. If he does, he is one step further in becoming Mr.right.
My last relationship had lasted a good year. My boyfriend was rational, direct and caring in his own way. I was happy for good half a year till i noticed that something was off. He wasn’t as affectionate or loving as I wanted him to be. Not so you get it wrong, I’m pretty sure he did but just wasn’t capable of giving me what I needed and wasn’t able to work as a team. The first rule of having a healthy relationship, is to listen to one another and genuinely care. He didn’t or couldn’t, and it came across as extremely apathetic and cold. Which is totally ok, if you personally can handle it. I however, cannot.
My partner has to shower me with affection and reassurance that he loves me, or I will feel unwanted and insecure with my body and myself.
Just think about all the reasons, why your past relationships didn’t work out. Maybe because your ex wasn’t what you had wanted in the first place but you gave in, due to the naive idea of love? ( which is fine.I do it way too often.I love being IN love, even if it’s not the best idea I have had in decades. ) All of my relationships had happy moments and made me grow as a person. Me getting dumped or breaking up, has shown me what I truly want in a relationship and has opened my eyes for a lot of signs that help me to filter. To avoid awful situations and basically hitting the alarm as soon as I realize that something is wrong. Trust your instincts and don’t sweet talk the situation you are in. Learn and grow from your past mistakes and try to let go. And again, letting go and making peace with your ex is a whole different story, or in this case chapter on my blog. Stay tuned for more!
Do you think, you’ve gained something from your last relationships?
Chin up and sail strong!
Charlie xoxo
Dolled Up 