Hello everyone!
I’ve been thinking about some of the other stuff that happenend way back in grammar school and I just noticed, how I evolved and changed throughout time.
In my previous post, I talked about things which annoy me and to be blunt, I was once a person which I absolutely couldn’t bear either. I was insecure and a disaster when it came to makeup.
Honestly, I was a weirdo kid. From the age of 12-16 i was hopeless. Everyone around me seemed to be cool and mature, like going out and drinking and being fashionable. That just wasn’t in for me. First: my parents were and still can be, hella strict. It would be a suicide commando even asking them. Secondly, I didn’t see the appeal of drinking or partying with 15 and I probably made uneccessary comments such as : I don’t think alcohol is cool. Basically, loser was written all across my forehead. I was quiet, shy ( I sometimes had to muster up courage in order to greet people from my class) and I was infatuated with manga, anime. My favorite work assignment was writing stories. I loved playing with words and to write long, elaborate stories with deep characters. It ended up me begging for feedback. And being desperate to read out my story. How did I write? Did you enjoy? Was it ok? What did you like the most? Unfortunately I got labeled as a nerd, for putting too much effort into something, which others found stupid or boring. I only had one friend in class, who talked to me and was the nicest person ever. She didn’t leave me hanging when I was all alone in the 5 minute breaks and would pair up with me in group work. But a part from that, all my other friends were in a different class. I was the awkward one out. And nothing is worse than being invisible for everyone in class.
As a result of being excluded from the class, plus being paired up with incompetent teachers who were also bullies, my marks plummeted and I had to repeat a year. It was the best thing that ever happenend to me as it gave me a chance to start fresh and find new friends. I had been used to being alone most of the time in school, so I didn’t really shed any tears leaving my horrible class.
Nobody would believe me, if I had told them I was bullied once in my life or had been the shy wallflower back in some period in school. I had to learn the hard way in order to adapt. I learned from my sister how to apply makeup, as she was super interested and talented in that subject. She would show me tutorials, do my makeup when I would go out with 17 and she was my personal fashion/makeup guru. Didn’t change the fact that I slipped into the alternative scene, made a ton of great friends ( such as my best buddy)and tried so hard to be #scenekid. ( i miserably failed at that-i wasn’t allowed any tattoos or piercings and nearly got kicked out for having my ears gauged-such a rebel.not.)
Juuup, that was an embarassing stage for all of us. And I was simply a late bloomer, because I had finally recieved enough confidence and support from the kids outside my school, that I tried outragous stuff. My sister told me, I was the first and only person ever to have worn a bandana and red lipstick to school.
I made many mistakes in my school days. Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell the ones from my class how horrible they were and that they can sincerely go fuck themselves. In my eyes, people who have had the audacity to bully others, are literally scum. What kind of individuals feel pleased when seeing another struggeling to find words to not stand lost and embarrassed in class? Or laugh at her unfashionable clothes and bushy eyebrows?
Out of all this mess, I stayed true to myself and have nutured a brutally honest attitude. If I don’t like you, I will show you that. If I think you are behaving wrong, I’ll tell you. If I think something doesn’t suit you-rest assured-I’ll tell you. If you do not like my opinion-suck it up, butter cup- I still won’t lie blatantly to your face. If you are a friend, I will love and cherish you from the bottom of my heart , no matter how you look like.( Friendship isn’t based on looks) Plus if you need any help with Makeup or eyebrows, hit me up. I want you to look your best and feel great about yourself too. However, if you are wearing a shade that doesn’t suit you- I’ll lean in and help you with that. I’m not judging you at all, I just do not want you to make the same stupid mistakes I did back then. Being ignored and bullied had a high influence on me, however it made me a stronger and more robust person who isn’t afraid to be honest or saying my opinion.. Even if my opinion can hurt others. ( which isn’t necessarily something good and I really need to work on that) Good vibes come from truly loving yourself and letting people be whatever they want to be and whatever they want to do. I slowly had to realize that simple fact and also how to let go properly. As long as you embrace yourself. you will find the courage to be an astounding individual and most importanly how to accept yourself! I guess we all are just trying to find our perfect place we belong and have to overcome numerous obstacles.
sail strong and much love
Charlie xoxo
Dolled Up 